Navigating the Decision of Pregnancy Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR)
Are you or your partner facing the challenging decision of pursuing Pregnancy Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) or continuing the pregnancy after receiving unexpected news? Whether it’s through a prenatal ultrasound, genetic test, or a medical diagnosis impacting the ability to safely carry a pregnancy, Allay Life is here to offer compassionate support and guidance during this difficult time.
Navigating the Decision
Considering the option of TFMR is a deeply personal and emotional journey, often filled with more questions than answers. Allay Life understands that the medical community primarily focuses on facts and options, offering little guidance on approaching this seemingly impossible decision. You may turn to close friends or family in this time, who may offer well-intentioned advice without understanding the complexity of your unique circumstance. Our digital workbook, developed based on 12 years of experience, provides simple exercises for navigating this decision from the privacy of your own home. Additionally, we offer 1-on-1 video appointments with a board-certified genetic counselor (trained in both genetics and counseling) to support you at any stage of this challenging journey.
Disentangling Emotions
Considering TFMR brings forth a rollercoaster of intense emotions, from guilt and sadness to anger and confusion. Emotions are a response to the parts of life that are most near and dear to our heart. A desired pregnancy represents many hopes and dreams, not only for oneself but often, for family members. Intense thoughts and feelings may be triggered by seeing another pregnant person or viewing a prenatal advertisement. Embarrassment for announcing a pregnancy or jealousy directed at others with uncomplicated pregnancies are common emotions. Allay Life acknowledges the complexity of the emotions you are experiencing. Our workbook helps you understand your emotions, fostering a sense of validation for what you are feeling during this difficult time.
Clarifying Your Values
TFMR can raise profound questions about personal values and beliefs, such as spirituality, relationship to loved ones, and views on disability/quality of life. Society, culture, friends and family can further impact personal feelings about a pregnancy and the idea of pregnancy termination. In this time of decision-making, our workbook helps you clarify the unique circumstances of your life. Learn how to listen to your inner voice and trust in your ability to make a decision aligned with your personal values, beliefs, and experiences.
Preparation, on Your Own Terms
Receiving unexpected news in pregnancy often involves unfamiliar medical information or uncertainty about a baby’s prognosis. It is normal to search online for similar stories and information. Yet, sorting through it all can feel endless and confusing. You may wonder if you must sift through it all to make this decision “correctly”. Reading other people’s stories can be comforting but may also lead to more questions or second-guessing. Keep in mind that every pregnancy is unique, even within the same diagnosis. If you find yourself overwhelmed, give yourself permission to stop searching or limit the time you spend online. When faced with information overload or conflicting information, turn back to your provider or seek a second opinion. In the setting of a prenatal diagnosis, ask your healthcare team for printed information or online resources (if not provided).
Bureaucratic forces, such as hospital and state laws/policies, may also influence access to pregnancy termination, leaving you confused and overwhelmed. Our workbook can help you organize your thoughts and feelings, while providing critical information and resources about TFMR and continuing the pregnancy, to provide you with a more manageable approach to decision-making.
You deserve care and support through any decision you make following a prenatal diagnosis. In addition to exercises that help you discern a path forward, our workbook also includes several exercises to help bolster your self-care and recognize sources of support. Allay Life remains a resource even after you decide how to move forward. Our one-on-one sessions can help you honor your family, work through the meaning of your pregnancy, and help you identify resources for healing that may feel challenging to find on your own.
Allay Life believes in the possibility of healing and peace, regardless of the path ahead. We invite you to connect with us for compassionate support during this difficult time.
With love and light,
Kendra Schaa and Hannah Davidson
